Choice can make you or break you

 

Make the choice or the choice makes you

This past week my mom passed away, and it left me with lots of thought on life, both my own life and life in general. My mother was 80, and you can say she lived a long life, but she did not live a happy one. Her life choices got me doing some deep thinking about how a choice can make you or break you.

Choices are a daily part of life

Life is full of choices some big, some little, and some that will change your life. How do we know what is the best choice to make, which one to choose, how can we weigh the alternatives and what if we make the wrong decision?

These are all valid questions, and there are no for sure answers. Each of us will have a different set of circumstances on which to evaluate our decision. None of us has an absolute way to guarantee the outcome of any of the more significant life decisions. We can, however, evaluate them in a way that gives us a better chance of success.

Choosing can be challenging

Small choices like the hundreds of little ones we make every day are easy, and we do them without much effort. These can be as simple as what to eat for breakfast or what to wear to work. We don’t sweat these choices.

Another level of life choices is those that can impact our lives more profoundly. Having to make bigger life-changing decisions can be confusing and scary for some of us. We wonder and second guess ourselves and keep turning things over and over attempting to make sure it is the right decision.

I don’t think there is any way to know ultimately how a choice will play out over time. Life has no guarantees, and all we can do is assess the options and make the one we feel will best move us forward to our goal.

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Losing a loved one

beautiful sunset

Losing a loved one can rip your heart out and send emotions haywire. I write this as gentle tears roll down my face and my mother waits to leave this earth. I am not sure how to feel or if I can feel at all right now.

The song is ended but the melody lingers on…
–Irving Berlin

At this moment the feelings are raw and at the same time full and empty. My mother and I were never that close, I was not the favored child. I knew that from an early age and I also know it now. That in and of itself has been a difficult thing to carry through my life and also come to terms with. Yet that doesn’t lessen the ache of a life of a loved one gone and a relationship never fully realized.

I am hurting and full of questions.

I sit here in wonder about the life she lived. She always spoke of not being her mother’s favorite child and yet she has gifted that fate to me. Why?

My life has been lived trying not to be the things I liked least about my mother’s life. As she lays waiting for her days to be over, I wonder who she really was. How was it she viewed her own life?

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Why self-appreciation is the secret ingredient.

what do you appreciate about yourself
Learning self-appreciation isn’t easy

If you are anything like me and your childhood was less than stellar, then you know the difficulty of being able to appreciate who you are. Finding a way to like yourself and understand who you are can be challenging in a world where we are so efficient at finding faults.

We see them in ourselves and those around us. It’s almost as if there were some kind of twisted contest like the one with the most faults wins. Some days it feels like that to me.

Human beings by nature are not perfect; I don’t even ascribe to the notion that we have to be perfect at any point in our lives. We all make mistakes; we are all learning as we go through this thing called life. Some of us fly by the seat of our pants and hope for the best.

There is no one way to live a life, and there is no one way to succeed in life. There is, however, or there should be a way to be human about it to ourselves and others.

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Why you should be talking about the power of words.

 I “Handle them carefully, for words have more power than atom bombs.” -Pearl Strachan Hurd

The Power of Words.

As we enter a new year, I want to begin with words. Not only the words I write here on this blog but the words we use every day. I would like to start a conversation on using words to make a difference, to encourage and to give inspiration to ourselves and those around us.

Do you ever stop to think about how words affect what we think and feel? Each day words flow all around us from many sources and the nuances of how and what we speak may be hurting us more than we think.

“Be mindful when it comes to your words. A string of some that don’t mean much to you, may stick with someone else for a lifetime.” -Rachel Wolchin

We can use our words in a way that promotes growth, inspiration, motivation, positive self-esteem, and encouragement or we can use them to hurt, diminish, judge and to break spirits.

Words can inspire or break us.

Words are an intricate part of our lives, and they have the power to make us or break us. They come at us from all directions including the things we tell ourselves. Our words go out into the universe and with them, we can make a difference, or we can use them to be self-defeating.

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The Insiders guide to being in life’s doghouse

Being in the doghouse is a metaphor

It indicates the adult version of being sent to one’s room. One can be in the doghouse for a wide variety of reasons and situations.  An angry partner, boss, spouse, or even mother. Basically, it means we messed up somehow according to someone else’s expectations, wants or desires.

cloudy dayFor some of us, this may not be a particularly difficult place to wind up in. It may, however, prove to be a challenging place to remove oneself from.

My doghouse of life usually resulted from my mother.

My mother is a person I describe as having no grey area of life. Things are what they are and you are what she expects you to be. No matter what you live up to her expectations or else. It also doesn’t matter how old you get. There are no excuses for anything, not ever.

Me, I am a person full of grey areas in life. Not only do I have them, I also accept them in others.

Nothing in life is perfect and shit happens. Sometimes that stuff is beyond our control and some days life just gets the best of us. What I may have put in the front of my mind in the morning, by evening could have totally escaped, nowhere to be seen.

I may not have even caught that I lost track of that thing I was supposed to remember or do for a few days. When suddenly it pops into my head, colorful expletives come out, and now I have to make the fateful call.

What comes next

Reluctantly I dial the phone, knowing all too well what was coming. I could tell by the cold curt tone of her hello exactly what that meant. The doghouse is waiting for me.

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