Losing a loved one

beautiful sunset

Losing a loved one can rip your heart out and send emotions haywire. I write this as gentle tears roll down my face and my mother waits to leave this earth. I am not sure how to feel or if I can feel at all right now.

The song is ended but the melody lingers on…
–Irving Berlin

At this moment the feelings are raw and at the same time full and empty. My mother and I were never that close, I was not the favored child. I knew that from an early age and I also know it now. That in and of itself has been a difficult thing to carry through my life and also come to terms with. Yet that doesn’t lessen the ache of a life of a loved one gone and a relationship never fully realized.

I am hurting and full of questions.

I sit here in wonder about the life she lived. She always spoke of not being her mother’s favorite child and yet she has gifted that fate to me. Why?

My life has been lived trying not to be the things I liked least about my mother’s life. As she lays waiting for her days to be over, I wonder who she really was. How was it she viewed her own life?

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